I feel very happy these days.

A friend whom I was close to in high school quoted Oscar Wild last night: "Youth is wasted on the young." He wrote a lengthy evaluation about how his best years are likely behind him and tagged all of us who were in the HS group we all hung out with. A couple of people responded... and it seemed like everyone (except me, lmao) was reminiscing about our inside jokes and the fun times we had. The collective thought was that they missed having a close group of friends, which is something they slowly lost and have not found again.

I feel... lucky. I have found such fulfilling friendships currently. And it would seem as though I am the sole member of the group who doesn't reflect back on high school and the friends I had positively. Certainly, there are those whose friendships I did truly value but mostly I resented a lot of my friends. The flakiness, the irresponsibility, and the immaturity. I hated how entitled everyone was and admittedly, I was jealous that I didn't have any mental, emotional, or financial support from my family. It was annoying that few of them had real hardships or problems to worry about.

I wonder if the forced maturity then has led to my regression (this is not an appropriate word to use, but I can't think of another) now. It is true that friendships drift and become fewer as a person moves on with "real life." Does that mean I'm not moving on with real life? I don't think so. I feel like I have accomplished just as much, if not more than most people my age and with the odds against me. Somehow, I've been rewarded with amazing friends who do support my endeavors. They are there despite how bitchy and mentally unstable I am. They return to drink with me even though I've lately been ending up in embarrassing tears. I can not even fathom how annoying this must be and I'm SURE that I wouldn't have the patience for this kind of thing myself... but I try to help by rarely revealing my true issues. It's one thing to cry but another to expect them to listen about your problems, right? Sometimes I muse that they secretly like the insanity though.

I don't know why I cry anymore. Obviously, there is something wrong with me that I hope time will fix because I truly love myself a lot. I fear I like myself too much sometimes. It's just hard for me to put things in the past and move on from being abused and treated unfairly. Maybe that's my biggest flaw, the inability to get over shit. I guess I do need to grow up.

I leave y'all with pictures of my favorite memory of this summer. <3 Enjoy my nipple.